I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
