I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I have tasted many bathrooms
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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