My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
