how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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