That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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