you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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