You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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