We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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