we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
