idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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