So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
