I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
