I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize