great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
