FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
