so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
