Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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