i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
