i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
