I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
