I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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