You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
