Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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