I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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