I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
