Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
