we're blogging at a bar
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
