he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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