Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
