Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
