i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
