someone owes me an orgasm
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize