1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
My vagina is officially offended.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I did not marry a roomba.
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