I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
