I look better un-naked...
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
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