filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
