4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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