drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
