Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
