A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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