I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
