i was born a porn star she said
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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