Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
