I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
