I swear she didn't look like that last week.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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