she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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