i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize