I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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