if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
