yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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