Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
