i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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