we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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