Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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