youre lurking in front of me
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
