he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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