I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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