Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
