Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
