Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I want a musical about memes.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
