You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
