I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She's the barista slut.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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