By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
