I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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