You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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