Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My penis needs a shock collar
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
