those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
