That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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