Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
