So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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