evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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