My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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