I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
