I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize