cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
