i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
we're making bets on your personal life
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
